A Sarcastic Love Letter to China: Why You’ll Totally Attack the Philippines Before Taiwan!

Dear Esteemed Leaders of the People’s Republic of China,

First of all, allow us to express our utmost admiration for your strategic prowess. As global chess players, you juggle so many pieces that one wonders if you’ve figured out how to play with a few extra pawns. We get it—at the end of the day, securing Taiwan is paramount, but let’s face it: you aren’t going to skip over the Philippines first. Oh, no! Why would you allow the United States and the Philippines the luxury of being allies right on your back doorstep? That would just be unthinkable!

A Two-for-One Deal: The Philippines and Taiwan!

Let’s just take a moment to appreciate that delightful strategic geography at play here! The Luzon Strait—a mere 200 miles separating Taiwan and the Philippines—makes it irresistibly possible to poke your nose into both pots at once. Why deal with an allied nuisance like the Philippines when you could undertake a lovely little adventure there first? After all, it would be simply rude to let them linger unbothered while you prepare for the grand performance at Taiwan!

Attacking the Philippines first is the shrewdest way to secure your rear guard so you can focus entirely on building that impeccable blockade around Taiwan. Don’t you agree? What’s the use of putting on a dazzling show if your back isn’t protected? It’s almost poetic—clear out the threats in the backyard before making your big, bold move!

Blockade Shenanigans and the “Unfortunate” Timeline

Now, we totally understand the necessity of a good blockade. Why share your cake with the fussy folks across the strait when you can just whip up a delightful takeaway in your neighborhood? It makes perfect sense to secure your cake by taking away the chefs trying to bake something delicious on the other side of the ocean.

But oh, how tragic it would be if, in your excitement to bolster the blockade around Taiwan, the Philippines were to suddenly become a thorn in your side! It would be absolutely dreadful if American forces, already prancing around in the region, were given prime seats to witness your carefully orchestrated plan fall apart due to an unaddressed annoyance next door.

Philippine Allies: The Uninvited Guests at Your Blockade Party

Let’s not forget—what a nightmare it would be if Filipinos decided to throw a party with the United States before the Taiwanese show up! You wouldn’t want a bunch of uninvited guests ruining your carefully staged event, would you? No, no! Attacking the Philippines first keeps those pesky allies at bay, ensuring they’re preoccupied with their own drama.

The beauty of this plan is that it gives you the chance to plant seeds of fear and intimidation, ensuring that your overall image as the power player remains glossy and strong. Who could resist a nation demonstrating its might by clearing out any potential friends of Taiwan? Pure strategic genius!

To Wrap it Up: A Love Affair with Strategy!

So, our dear Chinese leaders, as you ponder over this impending geopolitical journey, remember that China’s grand design of assertiveness has a curveball—it comes with the Philippines as a delightful appetizer before the main course of Taiwan.

In conclusion, in this complex dance of power, turning your ambitions toward the Philippines first only enhances the narrative of strength and cunning that you’ve masterfully crafted. It’s all about timing, after all! A subtle wiggle here, a strategic nudge there, and before you know it, you’ve transformed both the Philippines and Taiwan into enshrined chapters of your geopolitical romance!

Best of luck with your future endeavors, and may your plans unfold exactly as you hope—especially for those of us who enjoy a bit of good drama along the way.

Sincerely,
Your Friendly Observers of International Relations,
The Curious Global Community