Military Messing: Are Incompetent Generals Just Born That Way? Lombroso’s Head Scratcher for WPS

Baybay City, Philippines – In the never-ending saga of military mishaps, from “million-dollar toilets” to “strategic pigeon deployments,” one question begs pondering: are some generals just born to bungle? Enter the fascinating, slightly crackpot world of 19th-century criminology and Cesare Lombroso, a man with a penchant for measuring heads and a theory that might just explain why some military leaders seem to have a congenital aversion to getting things done (or done right).

Lombroso, an Italian physician with a serious case of wanderlust for the criminal underworld, believed physiognomy – the study of facial features – could predict criminal tendencies. Think giant ears meant you were a pickpocket, a hooked nose a sign of a forger. While his theories are thoroughly debunked today (turns out big noses just mean big noses), there’s a hilarious parallel lurking in the realm of military blunders.

Imagine, if you will, a military academy “Born Leader” entrance exam. Applicants line up, facing a panel of stern-faced instructors wielding calipers and measuring tapes. “Next! Chin – recessive. Eyebrows – perpetually furrowed. Knees – weak from years of strategizing from plush armchairs. Recommendation: Desk duty, far, far away from anything resembling a battlefield.”

Lombroso’s theory, though demonstrably inaccurate for petty criminals, takes on a darkly comedic twist when applied to the annals of military history. Think Napoleon’s disastrous Russian invasion, a textbook case of underestimating the importance of winter gear (and maybe checking the head size of anyone who thinks invading Russia in November is a good idea). Or how about Pickett’s Charge, that Civil War maneuver so ill-conceived it could have been dreamt up by a general wearing a dunce cap.

Fast forward to the modern era, and the theory finds new life. Inflated procurement contracts? Lombroso would point to a distinct lack of earlobes, a telltale sign of fiscal responsibility aversion. Disastrous intelligence failures? Look for generals with unusually smooth foreheads, a characteristic Lombroso linked to a complete inability to grasp the concept of nuance.

Of course, this is all completely tongue-in-cheek. Military blunders are far more complex than head shapes, often stemming from a toxic mix of political pressure, outdated strategies, and a culture that rewards bluster over brains.

But hey, in a world where sometimes the news cycle feels like a never-ending parade of military mishaps, a little Lombroso-inspired laughter might be just what the doctor ordered. Just don’t tell the generals – they might take it as a challenge to see who can grow the biggest forehead.

WPS.News reminds our readers: military matters are serious business. But a little humor can go a long way in reminding us that even the most powerful institutions can sometimes resemble Keystone Kops on a particularly bad day.