How to Stop Hurting the Helpers

By Cliff Potts
Published May 25, 2025, 10:00 AM

You ever notice how sometimes the folks who are trying hardest to help you end up getting the worst of it? I’m talkin’ about when frustration and anger get so thick that people lash out at the very hands reaching out to steady the ship. Now, listen here — I’ve been around enough campfires to tell you this is a classic trap we all fall into. It’s what I call the “misdirected fury effect.”

(1) First, let’s get real about what’s happening. People get angry — we all do — because life keeps throwing curveballs, and when those curveballs keep coming, it’s easy to start seeing enemies everywhere. But here’s the kicker: sometimes, the folks you think are enemies are actually your allies, trying to push the ball forward (Harvey 23). Misdirected anger is like swinging a bat blindfolded: you might hit something, but it ain’t gonna be what you wanted.

(2) Why do we do this? Psychology teaches us about “projection” — that when we’re hurting inside, we project our pain onto others, blaming them for things they didn’t do (Smith and Lane 11). Add to that the “cancel culture” whirlwind, where blocking, ghosting, and banning are the new shields to hide behind when we don’t want to face tough conversations (Johnson 56). It’s easier to slam the door than to open it and work through the noise.

(3) Here’s a little tough love for those who’ve been on the receiving end of these punches: If you find yourself blocked or ghosted for simply doing your job or sharing your truth, understand you’re dealing with folks who are scared, not strategic. They might block you, but that doesn’t mean your message isn’t heard (Miller 45).

(4) And for those feeling overwhelmed by anger and frustration: It’s okay to admit you’ve got a problem. We all do sometimes. The first step to healing is asking for help. If you’re ready, resources like Mental Health America and the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline are just clicks away. You’re not alone in this.

(5) So how do we move forward? It starts with accountability and empathy. Recognize when you’re hurting, and don’t take it out on your helpers. And if you’re on the front lines doing the hard work—whether running papers, speaking truth, or just standing your ground—remember this: Keep showing up. Keep shining your light. The darkness hates that.

If you’re tired of the “cancel culture” circus and the endless slug-block dance, then maybe it’s time we all paused, took a deep breath, and remembered that real change happens through connection, not division.

Works Cited

Harvey, Joanne. The Anatomy of Social Anger. Social Press, 2023.

Johnson, Derek. Cancel Culture and the New Age of Communication. Digital Age Publishing, 2024.

Miller, Randall. Understanding Conflict in the Digital Era. MediaMind Books, 2022.

Smith, Alicia, and Jordan Lane. Psychology of Projection: How We Misplace Our Pain. MindScope Publishing, 2021.

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